This is not going to be my typical post, please bear with me. Today's topic is one that is very close to my heart lately, and some would consider it my "soap box" topic.
When I hear that someone I know and care about is pregnant, I am quick to congratulate them. Unlike many other people do when they find out someone is pregnant, I do NOT ask the question, "So, do you want a boy or a girl?" Some people call me selfish for not asking or have some other awful thing to say about me "not caring enough to ask."
There is a reason that I don't ask that question. What is it? Much like other mothers of special needs children, I can't bear to hear the inevitable response, "I don't care as long as he or she is happy and healthy." That response really gets me right in the heart, every time I hear it. I will be the first to admit, that when I was pregnant with Lillian I gave that response many times. Now that I have her, you will NEVER hear those words come out of my mouth ever again!
When I hear that someone I know and care about is pregnant, I am quick to congratulate them. Unlike many other people do when they find out someone is pregnant, I do NOT ask the question, "So, do you want a boy or a girl?" Some people call me selfish for not asking or have some other awful thing to say about me "not caring enough to ask."
There is a reason that I don't ask that question. What is it? Much like other mothers of special needs children, I can't bear to hear the inevitable response, "I don't care as long as he or she is happy and healthy." That response really gets me right in the heart, every time I hear it. I will be the first to admit, that when I was pregnant with Lillian I gave that response many times. Now that I have her, you will NEVER hear those words come out of my mouth ever again!
Perfect(adj.)- Being entirely without fault or defect OR corresponding to an ideal standard or abstract concept.
Imperfect(adj.)-Having mistakes or problems: Not perfect.
-Webster's Dictionary-
Why does a babies health status matter so much to expecting mothers? By saying, "I don't care as long as he or she is happy and healthy" you are implying that you will only love that child as long as they are "perfectly" healthy. Are we going to love our children any less because they are "imperfect"? Are we not going to care for our children if they are "imperfect"? No, we aren't. As mothers we will love our children unconditionally until the day we die and no health status or disability will ever change that. So why do we imply that our loves only runs as deep as their health status by saying that response?
As a mother with two special needs children, it upsets me to hear people say that. My oldest is more so special needs than my youngest, but neither of my children meets the dictionary definition of the word perfect. My oldest is missing a major bone in both of her arms and has congenital heart issues. My youngest has congenital heart issues. Do I still love them even though they are "imperfect'? You bet I do, more than anything else is this world.
Ladies, I'm not trying to sound hateful or harsh but I really want you to stop and think for a minute. How do you think mothers of children with special needs feel when you say that? For me,personally it makes me burn up in rage so fast. It makes me feel as if you are invalidating my special needs children because they don't "correspond to an ideal standard" that society has set for newborns. It makes me feel as if you don't think that my children matter because they are "imperfect". Take a minute to stop and think about it, if you gave birth to your child and they were special needs would you stop loving them?
There are more important things to worry about when it comes to your bundle of joy, then their health status. Yes, it does make things harder if they are special needs but life with children with special needs is so fulfilling. Having the joy of watching them achieve their goals, enjoy life, and be everything they want to be is everything.
All I ask of you is to stop and think for a minute the next time you are asked that inevitable question. You can give that same response, or you can give the one I give now. "Gender doesn't matter, as long as they are happy and I get to spend the rest of my life loving them."
After all, isn't your child being happy and fulfilled despite their health status all that really matters?
As a mother with two special needs children, it upsets me to hear people say that. My oldest is more so special needs than my youngest, but neither of my children meets the dictionary definition of the word perfect. My oldest is missing a major bone in both of her arms and has congenital heart issues. My youngest has congenital heart issues. Do I still love them even though they are "imperfect'? You bet I do, more than anything else is this world.
Ladies, I'm not trying to sound hateful or harsh but I really want you to stop and think for a minute. How do you think mothers of children with special needs feel when you say that? For me,personally it makes me burn up in rage so fast. It makes me feel as if you are invalidating my special needs children because they don't "correspond to an ideal standard" that society has set for newborns. It makes me feel as if you don't think that my children matter because they are "imperfect". Take a minute to stop and think about it, if you gave birth to your child and they were special needs would you stop loving them?
There are more important things to worry about when it comes to your bundle of joy, then their health status. Yes, it does make things harder if they are special needs but life with children with special needs is so fulfilling. Having the joy of watching them achieve their goals, enjoy life, and be everything they want to be is everything.
All I ask of you is to stop and think for a minute the next time you are asked that inevitable question. You can give that same response, or you can give the one I give now. "Gender doesn't matter, as long as they are happy and I get to spend the rest of my life loving them."
After all, isn't your child being happy and fulfilled despite their health status all that really matters?